Jenn’s week on – Part 1

11 Dec
Great holiday magazine deals at ValueMags all month.

 

 

This is the first post of a several part series about a very short sick leave that I was on, how it came about, and how I am doing now (much better).

I am calling it “Jenn’s week on” rather than “Jenn’s week off”, because it’s hard to turn off life, and this week was about going through my life more mindfully and getting better.

I will be posting a new installment every few days.

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Saturday November 17th, 2012

Wednesday was not a good day.

When I look back, I can see that the monster was brewing for a while. I was able to stave off the panic and the sadness with new meds and exercise and trying to soldier through. Until I just couldn’t.

I was at work on Wednesday and I had extreme abdominal pain.  My period was sort of there – light pink and not heavy at all – but the pain was not typical at all. I felt sick and nauseous and was sweating.

Wednesday night the pain in my stomach had not abated. I phoned telehealth and they told me to go to the hospital so I did. I had blood tests and urine tests. An internal exam and a transvaginal ultrasound.  Fun times. :/

Everything came back normal.

I had the sensation, not for the first time, of almost wishing that something would be wrong so it wasn’t “just” anxiety.

My blood pressure was high though. Higher than normal.

Maybe it’s stress, the doctor said.

Yeah. I know.

The next day, I went to see my doctor. She took one look at me, I couldn’t hold it together and I just let everything out.

Is there a trigger? she asked.

I don’t think so.

That’s what makes this whole thing suck.

My doctor gave me a note to take Friday and next week off from work due to panic attacks and my blood pressure and to work on getting better.

I dropped the note off at work and my bosses were very understanding even though I felt like sick. Like a failure. Like I was letting people down.

I do know though that if I don’t get better, the person I will let down will be me.

This next week will be about focusing on my health and getting better.

For part 2, click here.

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