Me. Me. Me. Time

14 Dec

Disclaimer: This post is a wee bit whiny, self indulgent, petulant, and pretentiously non philosophical. And a judgemental. Mainly of me and my hypocrisy. You are warned.

Also, I no longer have a cleaning person and am doing it myself until I find someone else. No hurry though.

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I really cannot be the only person out there who cringes when they hear/read the term “me time”. While I have no doubt that in the (hopefully distant) past, I too used that term, it has become such a part of the lexicon of selfishness that is the modern mother and parent, a “get me the fuck away from my kids and my family”, that I can no longer get behind the use of the term.

Don’t get me wrong, human beings need time alone. Time alone, time to oneself is very important. I take time to myself on a daily basis.

Mainly on the toilet.

No seriously, I do actually take time for myself. My drives to and from work are done solo. I listen to the radio, sing along with songs, and mentally go over things. After the smalls are in snuggled into their beds, I have either time to myself or time with my husband. This time is not spent in a particularly exciting way (except when it is , bah boom ;)). Usually I/we watch TV or read, chat, go on the computer.Drink.

I read somewhere that people should  take one hour a day, one day a week, one week a month and one month a year off from work and responsibilities. While the whole one week a month is a bit of a pipe dream, the rest I can really get behind.  As a rule, I do this. I try to keep one day of the weekend for just chill time – where I don’t actually HAVE to do anything.  I have never banked a single vacation day. Ever. I use my generous vacation to the best of my ability.

So why is someone so into vacation and alone time so opposed to the phrase “me time”?

First of all, it is beyond overused.  Honestly, how much must one hate the people in one’s life to need to use this term on such a frequent basis?

Second of all, “me time” is rarely about spending time alone, catching up on rest or just peeing without someone little person on your lap. “Me time” is often taking place at a beauty salon, with a group of friends, shopping, or simply chilling out without the people who constitute the “you”.

There is almost an air of entitlement. Like being a parent, or a spouse or an employee or a human in this world entitles people to say “fuck it”, I don’t want any of this responsibility for even a second more than I have to.

I have reached many a breaking point. Points where it’s like “go away times infinity” to everyone in my general eyesite, but really, I chose this life, mostly, and, I need to live it to the best of my ability. I need to be PRESENT in the now.  I need to see my kids and my husband and even my job as more than just “responsibilities”, things that need to be escaped from. And I do. I really, really do.

And because I do, it upsets me to see so much of “oh, I have a full time live in nanny and I don’t work, and I need a week long vacation”.

And really, this brings me to a bigger issue. As I sit here and type this out, my twice monthly housekeeper is upstairs, cleaning my bathrooms. (I wrote this post a few months ago and am posting it now. I no longer have the cleaning lady.)

Woe is me.

I go through phases with the concept of a housekeeper. (Aside – I typed in twice weekly before I changed it to monthly. Freud much?)

I deserve this. 

I work full time. I drive my kids all over the place.

I need this.

I am a better wife and mother having someone come twice a month.

My mother didn’t have someone and she worked full time, cooked our meals from scratch and is the best mother in the world.

It’s not really necessary, it’s just a bit more work.

I work full time.

I deserve it.

See what I mean?

Also, since when has getting your eyebrows waxed and manicures and pedicures been a necessity?

I need it for work.

I like looking good.

When you look good on the outside, you feel good.

Then I hear my kids.

Why should I clean it? Isn’t that the cleaner’s job?

Mom, I need a manicure too.

I need that toy.

I need those clothes from that store.

EVERYONE else is doing it. EVERYONE else has it.

And it’s true. Everyone else has me time, and regular manicures and cleaning ladies, and the best toys, and the best clothes, and the. the. the…

And that comes around to my whole point (although, I don’t know if I really have one, to be honest):

The thing is, I would not consider us to be RICH people.  Sure, in relation to most of the world, we are comfortable and happy, but rich, rich? No. I Occupy with the rest of the bourgeois.

Do I really want my kids to grow up in a world where manicures, pedicures, and housekeepers, getting away from family and the “best of” everything are normal?

Where eating sushi on a weekly basis is expected?

Where mom and dad spend more “me time” than family time?

I may have an answer.

But am I willing to go cold turkey with the housekeeper and the manicures and the sushi?

Or can those things really be for special occasions? For the real “me time”?

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